Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
The most common questions I receive about counseling are listed below. Click to read the answer.
I’ve covered many aspects about counseling in general, and my services in particular, to give you a clear sense of how it works. So whether you are new to counseling or a “therapy veteran” there’s a broad range of useful information here.
How do I know that counseling can help with my problem?
What if I don’t know exactly what I want?
What happens in sessions?
Will counseling be a hard or painful experience?
What’s your style–how do you work with clients?
How do I know you’re any good?
Is there anything special about your practice?
What if my spouse / partner is reluctant to come in?
Isn’t going to therapy a sign of weakness?
I’m still unsure about counseling—how can I decide?
What if I don’t want to talk about something?
What if I don’t like something you say or suggest?
Aren’t you just a paid friend?
How come you offer private-pay services?
Can I use my insurance / health savings account (HSA) / flexible spending account (FSA)?
What records will you keep on me?
Will you diagnose me, or label me with some disorder?
Did I miss your question? Easy enough to remedy–and I’ll respond promptly.
How do I know that counseling can help with my problem?
Successful counseling requires several ingredients:
- Clients with the motivation and commitment to make a good-faith effort to work towards desired changes.
- A good fit between counselor and client: a collaborative and cooperative working relationship, leveraging strengths to build skills and shift mistaken thoughts and beliefs, and two-way communication that is clear and direct.
- A therapist who knows something about the issues involved, respects the client’s theory of change, and is continually working on being effective.
Notice that the specifics of you circumstances, while extremely important to know, are not a strong influence on whether counseling ends up helping you.
Counseling works by finding ways to transform the problem you’ve been coping with so you can express your best, authentic, and creative self, and live the life you yearn for.
What if I don’t know exactly what I want?
Many people enter counseling without a clear idea of exactly what they want to get out of it. I can help you figure that out.
It’s also common for someone’s goals to shift as counseling progresses. I use a special system to keep us on track, even while you might be refining your goals.
What happens in sessions?
There are three phases to a period of counseling: beginning, middle, and end.
The first few sessions are the beginning, or assessment phase. First, we’ll go over some paperwork and talk about how we’ll work together. I’ll gather some basic information about what brings you in so I can start to understand what you are dealing with and form some ideas about how I may best help you.
We’ll also discuss your goals and what signs will tell you that things are moving forward. I’ll get your opinion about the best way for us to work together. I ask a lot of far-ranging questions during this period to get up to speed on your life and how your experiences have influenced you.
The middle, working stage, is the most active. We’ll explore what’s getting in the way of having the life you want You’ll get to try out some new thoughts, behaviors, and feelings. We’ll evaluate what you’ll be practicing to make sure it’s moving you forward. I’ll share my thoughts and observations, and offer useful and appropriate information. As you begin to see results, you may adjust your needs and goals somewhat.
Finally, the day will come to end this period of counseling. We’ll actually have been planning for the eventual completion of your time with me right from the start. After all, that’s part of the goal: you’re consulting with me until you’re well on your way and experiencing positive results.
Of course, you’re free to quit at any time. I encourage you to choose a planned ending. This is when both of us know ahead of time that our next session or two will be a special sort of wrap-up.
People appreciate being able to consolidate their learning, acknowledge their accomplishments, and discuss next steps. And it gives you a bonus opportunity that we often don’t get in real life-a chance for an intentional, mutual goodbye and acknowledgement of the work and relationship.
You’re always welcome to come back in for a refresher or if a new issue comes up.
How long does therapy take?
The short answer is “It depends.”
You know from your own struggles, that the problem that is bringing you in has defied your best efforts, so far. There are probably a lot of factors involved, making it hard to predict what will break the impasse. Usually, it takes less time to resolve an issue than it took the problem to wiggle into your life and start causing problems.
You’ll have a sense within several sessions whether we are on the right track. I’ll invite your feedback, which will help us know if or where we need to shift our approach
Most of my clients work with me from between 3 to 6 months; some shorter, some longer.
As long as you find value in our meetings, we’ll continue. When you feel ready to stop coming in, you’ll do just that. You’ll have the confidence and skills to “fly solo” and I’ll have an opening in my schedule to help someone else.
I’m a little like Mary Poppins, but without the umbrella or great singing voice.
And I’m right here if something else comes up down the road you’d like a little help with.
How often do we meet?
I offer appointments of 1 hour and 1½ hours (technically, 50 or 80 minutes). For the first month, I highly recommend meeting weekly. Regular appointments offer the best support for establishing a good working relationship and having timely, relevant, and useful conversations.
Afterwards, we’ll discuss how often will serve you best, and I’ll contribute my recommendation.
No matter what frequency we select, I’ll be suggesting between-meeting experiments or assignments. If you really want to see results, you’ll need to be active outside sessions, which makes sense considering that a week has 168 hours of opportunity!
As you begin to witness progress towards your goals, we may adjust the frequency. I’d like to hear what you think would be the most productive and beneficial for you.
As we approach finishing up our work on the current issue, we’ll discuss whether you’d find tapering off the frequency of our meetings helpful.
Will counseling be a hard or painful experience?
Change is not always easy to experience. You already know it can be difficult, or you would have resolved your trouble and not even be here.
What you’re dealing with, your temperament, and how long the problem has been present in your life all combine to create the problem.
I have many tools and methods that have gotten people the results they want. And I’ll be there as long as you need me, helping you discover what works best for you. That will be information to serve you for the rest of your life.
Consider the ongoing pain of living with the problem every day. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to finally heal that and be free to enjoy your life more fully?
What’s your style–how do you work with clients?
In a word: Collaboratively.
I bring my empathy, understanding, tools, and training to the normal problems that arise in trying to live a good life.
You bring your knowledge and expertise on your life, and your dreams and goals for greater satisfaction in your life.
There’s a famous saying that all future therapists hear when they’re in grad. school: “Don’t work harder than your client.” This recognizes that you are the agent of making something different in your life. I can be the catalyst, but I can’t fix things without your effort.
I am an active participant in your counseling. Typical things I do in a session include giving feedback, suggesting homework, discussing progress towards your goals, sharing information, and challenging thoughts / feelings / actions that don’t seem to be serving you well.
My approach helps by identifying your strengths and what you want, and providing you with the support to get there. We do some detective work along the way. We try experiments and evaluate the results.
We get more clarity, and you begin to reap the benefits you’re seeking. We adjust as needed and you get practice in establishing better patterns and habits for you.
My goal is help you transform the problem you came in with so you can get on with making the contributions you want to in life with a deeper sense of appreciation and connection.
How do I know you’re any good?
At the simplest level, my website gives you a flavor of who I am and how I work.. If my message resonates with you, then I’m likely to be helpful.
You can call me with questions and get a good sense of what it’s like to work with me.
If you come in and meet with me, it typically takes only a few appointments and we can tell whether there’s a good match. In the case we decide there’s not a good fit, you’ll probably still have gotten value from our conversations. We can talk about the best next step for you. and, if you want, I’ll do what I can to help you find someone who’s a might better get you where you want to go.
Finally, I’m committed to accountability and transparency in my private practice. I monitor my effectiveness, invite your feedback, and work continually to improve my service to my clients.
Is there anything special about your practice?
Yes! I use a simple system for tracking your progress to make sure that we’re
- consistently on track with your goals, and
- maintaining a good working relationship.
This excellent method has been shown to improve client outcomes, and it’s very quick and easy to use.
I’ll tell you more about this when we meet or talk on the phone.
What if my spouse / partner is reluctant to come in?
I encourage all the people considering couple, relationship, or marriage counseling to call me. Each person needs to feel that I can be helpful in order for me to actually be helpful. Sometimes, people who have had a negative experience in the past, think that all counseling or counselors will be that way. Maybe our conversation will be reassuring.
In couple, marriage, or relationship counseling, my client is the relationship itself. Not any given individual. I have special training to create a safe, respectful, and understanding space for everyone in my office. I do not judge, criticize, or blame.
If your loved one still doesn’t want to come in, please don’t let that stop you. Keep trying things (focusing on yourself), talking with him/her, or even come in for a session or two to see if I can help the relationship by working individually with you.
Isn’t going to therapy a sign of weakness?
Everyone goes through challenging and difficult situations in life. You’ve probably successfully navigated through several such times.
However, not all problems or troubles are created equal. There’s nothing wrong with seeking out some extra support. It’s actually a sign of responsibility and maturity to recognize when you’re about to be (or already) overwhelmed, and make use of appropriate resources.
If it can help you resolve a problem faster or more easily, I hope that you’d want that for yourself. Counseling can provide benefits and skills that will be useful to you now and in the future.
I’m still unsure about counseling–how can I decide?
If we haven’t talked yet, give me a call (763-458-6896); my free consultation will give you more information to go on.
Ambivalence is natural. Almost everyone feels hesitant at first. Most people say starting counseling was a smart move. Being proactive and taking positive action is better than the alternative of continuing to put up with uncomfortable circumstances.
Some people aren’t ready to undertake change until they reach a certain degree of discomfort. Keep in mind that the longer you wait, the more time it may take to untangle your situation and see progress.
You can also take a brief “Readiness for Counseling” quiz for some feedback.
What if I don’t want to talk about something?
You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to.
However, keeping important information from me will impact how well I understand you and your situation, and therefore how well I can help you.
Especially at first, when you don’t know much about me, it can be uncomfortable to talk about some things. As you begin to develop more trust towards me, you may find yourself more willing to share relevant information that will be helpful to your progress.
Remember that counseling is inherently uncomfortable to some degree. But it also includes compassion, honesty, understanding, and even good humor.
You are choosing this path to help you relieve a greater unhappiness in your life. At whatever point you are ready to tell me new information, know that I will not judge you.
What if I don’t like something you say or suggest?
Please tell me!
Until I perfect my mind-reading skills, I rely on you to let me know when I make a misstep.
This feedback from you is an important key to achieving your goals, and I promise I won’t get upset with you.
Aren’t you just a paid friend?
No, I’m not, though friendliness and trust will be an important part of relationship. In fact studies clearly show that a positive emotional connection between therapist and client is one of the best predictors of a successful counseling experience.
Counseling is different from most other professional consulting and services. I take an encompassing and holistic view of your situation and the personal details of your life. This can make it feel like friendship. However, unlike your family or friends, I’m committed to taking an objective stance. I don’t have an agenda except helping you get to the results you want. And I won’t be influenced by having a personal relationship with you before you start counseling.
A good therapist is trained to help you accomplish the goals you determine. I am subject to various laws, ethics, and best practices designed to help ensure a safe, useful experience for you.
Another difference is, if we happen to meet in public, I will not initiate contact. To protect your privacy, I’ll follow your lead in whether or how you choose to acknowledge me.
What do you charge?
Many people do have to consider how to fit the cost of therapy into their budget. It can be a challenge to afford taking care of your mental well-being. Most people report that it’s a worthwhile effort. After all, you’ll carry your new perspective and skills with you for the rest of your life.
Consider the cost of getting help to the cost of coping ineffectively with what’s bothering you. Maybe you are eating/drinking/smoking too much. Spending too much money on other things in an effort to comfort yourself or make up for what you’re putting up with.
Other costs are health issues brought about or negatively impacted by the problem. Or low energy in your personal life…lower productivity at work…etc.
Getting some help for yourself now can help you avoid these increased negative costs in the future.
I’m committed to making my services as accessible as possible; I don’t want you to go without getting help because of your financial situation. In cases where you’re living on a tight budget and insurance or other means of reimbursement won’t cover your visits, I have a limited number of openings that I am able to offer at a reduced fee, as well as a list of alternatives. If you really want to work with me and cost is keeping that from happening, let’s talk about it.
| 50 minutes | 80 minutes | |
| Individual | $90 | $125 |
| Couple | $125 | $185 |
You can pay with cash, check, or credit card. Fees are due at the beginning of each session.
How come you offer private-pay services?
There are several reasons I offer private-pay, or self-pay, services:
- It allows me to focus on providing top-quality help to my clients. By declining the intrusive requirements of managed care I avoid compromising my client’s confidentiality and/or our best judgment about your treatment.
- We must justify your therapy as necessary to your insurance company by assigning a mental health diagnosis. Paying privately allows therapy for the normal problems and transitions of everyday life.
- Filing insurance claims requires the disclosure of private information to the insurance company. State and federal law covers legal handling of this data. Much of it is stored electronically, where security is a real concern. Paying privately puts you in control of your information.
- Insurance companies may decide the frequency and duration of therapy. This is understandable because they are paying for the service. When you pay for the service, you decide.
Can I use my insurance / health savings account (HSA) / flexible spending account (FSA)?
I’m considered an “out-of-network provider” in terms of your insurance coverage. You’ll pay me directly when we meet and I’ll give you a receipt that you can use to request reimbursement.
To check your coverage details, call the phone number on your card and ask about your benefits. Here are some helpful questions to get you started:
- Do I have mental health coverage for (individual or couple) counseling?
- Does a deductible apply, and how much of it has been met?
- How many sessions per year does my plan cover?
- What is the coverage amount per therapy session with an out-of-network provider who is a Licensed Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (LAMFT)?
- Do I have to get a referral from my primary care physician?
- Is there anything else I should know?
You may also qualify for reimbursement under another employee benefit plan, such as a healthcare savings account or medical flex spending account. Reimbursement from a health care account often has fewer restrictions and potential negatives. If you have a credit card connected to one of these accounts, I can accept payment from that; otherwise call customer service to determine your benefits and reimbursement procedures.
What records will you keep on me?
The paperwork you fill out when we first meet. I also briefly summarize our meetings to make sure I have the information I need to provide you high-quality, consistent services.
All my records are held in the strictest possible confidence. With a few exceptions only you can give permission for me to release information about you. In short:
- If I consult with another clinician on how I can continue to best serve you, I protect your identity by disguising key facts.
- There are a few situations that I am required to report, and we will go over them in our first meeting. This comes up only rarely.
Will you diagnose me, or label me with some disorder?
No, I only do that to my family, former coworkers, and political figures…
Seriously, I do need to have a thorough understanding of what you are experiencing to be as helpful as possible. But I prefer not to assign a diagnosis, in part because studies show very poor consistency or reliability in the use of the labels listed in the “dictionary” of mental disorders (the DSM).
We will acknowledge your distress. But I have found that dwelling on the negatives of your troubles does little to give you the confidence to make changes. By paying attention to your strengths, resources, capabilities, and creativity we will leverage them into creating new and positive possibilities. You’ll move forward more easily and quickly.
If you want a receipt to send in to a medical reimbursement program, I will most likely need to include a diagnosis per their rules. We can pick one out an appropriate one together if you like.