Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Therapy, But Were Afraid To Ask (Or Just Didn't Know To)

Common questions about counseling in general, and my services in particular. If your question isn't answered here, get in touch and I'll respond promptly.

Can counseling help with my problem? How?

Whether you're an individual or part of a couple seeking help, counseling can help with many different issues. Common reasons range from personal growth to help with stress, stuckness, or transitions to more chronic or serious problems. The focus can be on understanding yourself better so you can make positive choices for yourself or on acquiring skills such as communicating more effectively and coping with conflict in your relationships.

The ultimate goal is learning the internal and external skills and thoughts that will support you in the life you want to live.

We do know that therapy tends to help most people more than not having therapy. The fit with your therapist is very important, but even more central is your willingness to be actively involved.

Are you ready to explore the possibilities of things being better for you?

Aren't therapists just paid friends?

No, we aren't, though friendliness and trust is an important part of the relationship.

Counseling is different from most other services in that it takes an encompassing view as well as considering some of the intimate details of your life. This can make it feel like friendship.

A good therapist is a trained professional, consulting with you to help you accomplish one or more goals. Unlike friends, we are subject to various laws, ethics, and best practices designed to help insure a safe, useful experience.

A really good therapist does connect emotionally with her clients--in fact, studies show that this aspect of counseling (called "the alliance" is one of the best predictors of a successful counseling experience).

Should we happen to meet in public, unlike a friend, I will not initiate contact. To protect your privacy, I will follow your lead in whether or how you choose to acknowledge me.

Can you guarantee counseling will help?

I won't sugar-coat it. The short answer is "No."

However, I will do my very best to help you reach your goals.

As only one factor in a complex system, I can't promise that our work will go exactly as you might expect or hope for.

Human beings are far more complicated than our current science and understanding can explain. There are many variables involved in influencing the progress of therapy--variables that I can't control. Some of these variables are the client's environmental influences, finances, attitude, readiness.

You are the key. If you come committed to work and engage in the process then you will almost certainly find it a worthwhile experience.

What if I don't know exactly what I want?

Many people enter counseling without a clear idea of exactly what they want to get out of it. I can help you figure that out. I use a special system to keep us on track, even while you might be refining your goals.

How hard or painful will this be?

Change is not always easy to experience. In some cases, it can be pretty painful. It depends on what you're dealing with, your temperament, and how long the problem has been present in your life.

On the other side of discomfort can be healing, ease, relief...

I'll be with you on the journey, helping you cope with the changes and learn how to manage the experience. This information can serve you the rest of your life.

You'll have to decide if you think it might be worth it to free yourself of the pain you are experiencing every day with the problem present.

How do I know you/your training/your advice are any good?

My practice is unique in that I ask my clients to report on their situation and I track that progress. I also monitor how helpful the client thinks I'm being. I don't assume. I want this accountability so I can be as helpful as possible from the client's perspective.

Having written that, we both know that one size doesn't fit all. I might not be the right counselor for you. If either of us think that might be the case, let's talk about it. My feelings won't be hurt. I want you to get what you want, even if that means seeing someone else. I will be happy to give you referrals based on what you think would work better for you.

What records will you keep on me?

The paperwork you fill out when we first meet. I document our meetings to make sure I have the information I need to provide you high-quality, consistent services.

I keep information about you strictly confidential. With a few exceptions which I will discuss with you, only you can give permission for me to release information about you. In short:

I do not talk about you in my personal life.
If I consult with another clinician on how I can continue to best serve you, I protect your identity by disguising key facts.
There are a few situations that I am required to report. This comes up rarely, and I make every effort to first talk with my client thoroughly about the issue.

Will you diagnose me, or label me with some disorder?

No, I only do that to my family. :-)

Seriously, I do need to have a thorough understanding of what you are experiencing to be as helpful as possible. But I prefer not to assign a diagnosis, in part because studies show very poor consistency or reliability in the use of the labels listed in the "dictionary" of mental disorders (DSM-IV TR).

If you want a receipt to send in to a medical reimbursement program, I will most likely need to include a diagnosis per their rules. We can pick one out an appropriate one together if you like.

What's your style--how do you work with clients?

Collaboratively.

I bring my empathy, understanding, tools, and training to problems that arise in trying to live a good life.

You bring your expertise on your life, and your dreams and goals for change, for the future.

Together we craft a plan, we experiment with different things to find what works uniquely for you, we get more clarity, and you reap the benefits: more peace, calm, happiness, harmony...

There's a famous saying that all future therapists hear when they're in grad school: "Don't work harder than your client." This recognizes that you are the agent of making something different in your life. I can be the catalyst, but I can't do anything to you or for you.

I see adults, and have experience providing individual and couple counseling. A special interest of mine is working with folks who consider themselves outside the mainstream, as well as the gifted and talented. I am also an ally of all consensual, respectful, and healthy lifestyles, including LGBTQ.

What if I don’t want to talk about something?

You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to.

However, keeping important information from me will impact how well I understand you and your situation, and therefore how well I can help you.

Especially at first, when you don't know much about me, it can be uncomfortable to talk about some things. As you begin to develop more trust towards me, you may find yourself more willing to share relevant information that will be helpful to your progress.

Remember that counseling is inherently uncomfortable to some degree. You are choosing this path to help you relieve a greater unhappiness in your life. At whatever point you are ready to tell me new information, know that I will not judge you.

How often do we meet?

At the beginning of treatment, appointments are scheduled on a weekly basis for consistency, continuity, and effectiveness.

One 50-minute session once a week is typical.

Depending on your situation, at times you may want to come in more frequently, or consider longer sessions.

As you begin to witness progress towards your goals, we adjust the frequency.

What's most important is your sense of what's most productive and beneficial for you.

It's important for us to establish a good working relationship, and there's a lot of important information about your situation that you'll want to share to get me up to speed.

An hour or so out of a 168-hour week is a reasonable pace for many people, given their other responsibilities and activities. I will suggest between-session experiments or assignments to the extent that you want such things.

Part of our plan, as we approach finishing up our work together, is to consider whether tapering off the frequency of our sessions would be helpful.

What happens in sessions?

In the first session we'll go over paperwork and policies and I'll gather some basic information about what brings you in so I can begin assessing what you are dealing with and how I may best help you.

We'll discuss your goals and what signs will tell you that things are moving forward. I'll get your input about your best way of working.

As we continue to meet, I'll ask questions, make suggestions, and share information/resources. I tailor my approach to your reflections and feedback, even if your needs and goals change over time.

Isn't counseling awfully expensive?

Many people do have to consider how to fit the cost of therapy into their budget.

Compare the cost of getting help to the cost of coping ineffectively with the problem that's bothering. Maybe you are eating/drinking/smoking too much. Spending too much money on other things in an effort to comfort yourself or "make up" for what you're putting up with.

Health issues brought about or negatively impacted by the problem. Low energy in your personal life, lower productivity at work... The list goes on.

Getting some help for yourself now can help you avoid these increased negative costs in the future.

I don't want anyone to go without the help he or she needs and wants because of financial issues. For that reason, I offer a reduced fee option, as well as a list of possible alternatives.

How long does therapy take?

The short answer is "It depends."

You know from your own struggles, that the problem that is bringing you in has defied your best efforts, so far. There are probably a lot of factors involved, making it hard to predict what will break the impasse. Usually, it takes less time to resolve an issue than it took the problem to wiggle into your life and start causing problems.

One of the best predictors of success is the quality of our working relationship. You will have a sense within several sessions whether we are on the right track.

How does counseling end?

Together we plan for the eventual completion of your work from the beginning. After all, that's part of the goal: you're consulting with me until you're well on your way and making positive gains.

Some people prefer to taper off the frequency, some don't.

Of course, you're free to quit at any time.

I encourage my clients to choose a planned ending. This is when both of us know ahead of time that our next session (though some clients may want more than one) will be a special sort of wrap-up.

People appreciate being able to consolidate their learning, acknowledge their accomplishments, and discuss next steps. And it gives you a bonus opportunity that we often don't get in real life—a chance for an intentional, mutual goodbye and acknowledgement of the work and relationship.

You're always welcome to come back in for a refresher or if a new issue comes up.